Bite Me!
by WaltD
Summary: Somebody says a mouthful. Follows "Status Quo Ante".


_Forever Knight – the Continuing Story._

_The characters in _Forever Knight_ were created by James Parriott and Barney Cohen and are the property of Sony/Columbia/Tri-Star. The stories here are fan fiction, in which Nick and Natalie survive "_Last Knight_", the series finale. Also, Vachon survived Divia in "_Ashes to Ashes_". This story may be archived wherever by whomever._

_Wade Everett is a good-looking, capable, smart-ass, and gay homicide detective who's sometimes full of himself. He's temporarily assigned to the 96th and Nick while Nick's partner, Tracy (who also survived _LK_) recuperates. He's found out what Nick is. _

****Bite Me**** Follows "Status Quo Ante" Walt Doherty**  
**

_Show me the way  
To the next whisky bar  
Oh, don't ask why  
Oh, don't ask why__  
__-- Alabama Song, Brecht, Weill__  
_

Wade was sitting at the bar at the Raven, slowly nursing a club soda.

Mikloš, one of the resident bartenders at the place, worked his way over to the detective and asked him, "Are you sure this is a good place for you to be, detective?"

"Mikloš! You can speak more than one word at a time! Why the –"

"Shhhh! Don't let on, you'll ruin my reputation. People tend to talk less discreetly if they think I can't understand them, and intelligence gathering is an important part of my job." He winked.

"So," said Wade, "why are you breaking silence with me?"

"You're cute and I'd like to ask you for a date," he said dryly.

"April 18, 1775."

"?"

"A date, man, a date!" the detective winked back at Mikloš.

"You know, mister detective, it's remarks like that that get you in trouble. Now I understand what M. LaCroix means when he says you are incorrigible. Do you like to live dangerously? You're sitting here in plain sight, and it is well known that you are persona non grata around M. LaCroix."

"Ah, is it that bad?"

"Yes."

"There you go, getting all laconic again."

Mikloš shrugged. "Sorry. Habit. It keeps a lot of the patrons from hitting on me."

"Are you serious about a date?"

"I could be."

"That'd be nice. Let me think on it ok I thought on it, sure."

.

"Which brings to mind, you have a thing for vampires. You aren't afraid of us at all. Why not, if I may ask?"

"Oh, basically, I don't see you as horrid creatures. There are good ones, bad ones, awful ones, sympathetic ones, and so on, just like the rest of us."

"But don't you worry that I might bite and drain you?"

"I know you could, Mikloš, but if you really wanted to do that, you wouldn't be asking for a date, now would you?"

"No, I suppose not. But still . . . ."

"Mikloš, I wouldn't go out with – or anywhere near for that matter – anyone I thought might be a danger."

"You are not afraid?"

"Fear is a different matter from danger. To some extent, but then any one individual I chose to go out with could turn out to be a serial killer who was stalking me and I didn't know." Wade chuckled a bit, "With you, I know you are, or at least were, a serial killer at one time.

"Seriously, I'm cautious. If I didn't think you would behave, I wouldn't take you up on your offer. Besides, there are some other protections. Did I mention I have a can of Garlic flavored PAM in my car?"

Mikloš gave him a very pained look.

"Sorry," Wade said.

.

"What's with the fruit?" Wade asked looking at the large overstuffed basket of fruit setting on the bar.

"New contractor. Trying for brownie points. Obviously not clued in to nature of establishment. Help yourself." Wade took a large dark orange from the pile of citrus and started to peel it.

"Ha! A blood orange. Are you sure he's not clued in?"

Mikloš gave him a couple of napkins. "Careful. I kind of like the scent but the smell drives others of us crazy."

"I'll make a note of that. Could I have another seltzer, please?"

.

"Detective. Why-are-you-here," he said flatly.

"Oh! Good evening, _domine_. I didn't see you there."

"Nor I you, not that I want to. Do you have business here or are you -- 'slumming', I believe the phrase is."

"Actually, sir, I came in for a drink and the peaceful surroundings. Plus, you intimated that I would be fairly safe at the bar."

"Yes, young man, and pay close attention to that qualification." With that, LaCroix turned and walked away.

"Whew! Survived that one."

"Maybe," said Mikloš. Wade looked up at him. Mikloš continued, "Night's not over yet."

"Just, be careful. Don't go in back. Don't go to parking lot alone. You know drill. What would you tell an assault victim or someone attacked by stalker?

"This is not different; as well, there are vamps out there stupid enough to think removing you would earn them points with LaCroix.

"Don't look at me like that. You know I tell truth."

"Yeah, I guess I do, Mikloš. Thanks."

.

There was a commotion at the far end of the bar. Mikloš left to go down to straighten out whatever it was that needed it. Two younger -- or at least 'newer' vampires were letting their testosterone – had they actually had any – get the better of them. Mikloš had them both escorted to the front exit. And out.

He said, on his way back to where Wade was sitting, "There's been a lot more of that going round lately."

Another vampire stuck his face between Wade and Mikloš and demanded another beer (?) from the barkeep.

Wade leaned back out of the way. Mikloš addressed the vamp, "Back off, Marcos. I'll send one over with Alma. Stop falling on top of the other patrons."

Marcos, stood, leered at Mikloš, glared at Wade, and licked his lips at Alma.

Mikloš said to Wade, "He's new in here. Alma will wipe the floor with him – AND make him enjoy it!" He smiled to himself.

.

Wade was sitting at the bar and was looking at the crowd through the mirror behind the bar. He noted that 'everyone' was reflected there – another vampire myth shot down. The door opened and one of the drunken vampires who had been thrown out earlier, came raging in. In his befuddled anger he launched himself across the room at Wade (why Wade? Who knows?). Wade saw all this happening in the mirror: the vampire coming at him with his eyes glowing and his teeth descending.

Wade reached over to the fruit bowl and grabbed the biggest grapefruit there, then stuck his arm straight out behind himself locking it into position pointing it directly at the crazed vampire with the grapefruit showing prominently.

The vampire practically impaled himself on Wade's outstretched arm. He fell back, barely standing, with the grapefruit stuck in his mouth like an apple in a roast pig.

"Uh ih oo oo oo ee?"

[Presumably: What did you do to me?]

Before anyone could answer, or even figure out what the vampire was saying – or trying to say -- , Mikloš and the bouncers had his arms trapped and were escorting him towards the back rooms of the Raven.

Returning to the bar, Mikloš said to Wade, "You handled that with aplomb, detective"

"No, Mikloš, that was a grapefruit. I would have thought you'd know the difference."

Mikloš opened his mouth to say something, thought better of it, shook his head, turned, started to speak again, but just walked back behind the bar, and mouthed more to himself than anyone else, "Yeah, right."

* * * * *


End file.
